Today on the blog I’ll be objectifying men, thank you very much. Specifically athletes. Specifically specifically soccer players. So if reading about why I love watching hot guys run around after a little black and white ball isn’t your cup of tea, come back on Friday. I promise there’ll be something more thought provoking here than “Oooh, pretty!” 🙂
There’s this whole sub-genre of romance built just for sports stories. It’s legit – Amazon even has a section for it. Most of these stories are about baseball players or MMA fighters or fighters of some kind, with the occasional football player or hockey player thrown in for spice. Rachel Gibson has a slew of hockey player romances, focusing on the fictional Seattle Chinooks (we’re not lucky, or stupid, enough to actually have an NHL team) and I enjoyed them. I loved Sierra Dean’s Pitch Perfect. But as Emmie points out in Pitch Perfect, baseball players aren’t all attractive, that, in fact, most of them aren’t. A lot of them are a little overweight, they can be crude, crass, and scruffy, not to mention smelly, if that’s their particular superstition. Fighters of any kind tend to wander around with bruises and small broken bones, which is not sexy.
The thing about pro athletes in general is the majority of them are not blessed with looks destined for a billboard near you. But I would like to point out that there’s a whole crop of pro athletes we’ve been overlooking: the soccer player.
In soccer, there are no out of shape players. For a member of the starting eleven, you have no choice. You won’t be a member of the starting eleven if you’re not in shape. Running around the pitch for 90 minutes would be torture and you’d probably be puking on the sidelines after the first ten minutes. Even the keeper has to be in shape, despite not be subjected to said running around all the time. He’s gotta be light on his feet with fast reflexes to keep the ball out of the net.
And yes, just like in any other sport, there are players that, well, if they’re getting endorsement deals it ain’t because they’re pretty to look at, but their names and skills are so well known people would buy the shit anyway.
I’m not talking about those guys today. I love the beauty and grace with which they move on the pitch, but they are not who I’m talking about.
I could start with the obvious: David Beckham. I could. I won’t. Because David Beckham needs no words, other than Victoria knows exactly how fucking lucky she is.
You honestly didn’t think I wouldn’t post a picture of Becks, did you? How could I not post a picture?
So let’s go with…oh, Aitor Ocio, retired center back. He played for several Spanish teams during his career, helped his team win a couple of championships, and did it all while looking like this:
You might want to wipe away the drool from your keyboard now. Don’t want it getting damaged.
There’s Cristiano Ronaldo, forward for Real Madrid. He’s a bit young looking, but who cares? With a smile like that, you can’t help but smile back:
But what about US-born players?
They’re out there. One thing I’ve noticed about American players: for the most part, they stay out of the media spotlight. The big Euro stars are the ones you’ll see at galas and premiers with models hanging off their arms, but US players? They’re more likely to have settled down and keep the attention to what they can do ON the pitch instead of OFF. Steve Cherundolo is one of them. The Hannover 96 captain kind of looks like the boy next door, doesn’t he?
The Sounders FC roster has a mix of faces, some more attractive than others, some that will, for one reason or another, draw your attention for a second look (I’m looking at you, Mauro Rosales). But Saturday they acquired their newest player…Clint Dempsey, with his Premier League polish and his badass tattoos…I just wish he’d actually played in the match.
Now go forth and watch soccer.