breaking up is hard to do

dear gym:

it’s over. i don’t need you any more, and if you really have to know, here are the reasons why:

1) in the four years that i was using you, there was one week, ONE WEEK, where the air conditioning actually worked. i put up with it because you were convenient and i could usually manage to secure a cardio machine in front of one of the fans, but no more.

2) i don’t care that you have a new and improved state of the art facility. actually, that scares me. i like my gyms to be slightly run down and grubby. i’m not paying for a fancy spa-gym. i just want to get in, get out, and go home.

3) you are now two blocks away from my bus stop. this is not okay, especially since you used to be a half block from my bus stop.

4) when i broke up with you in writing, like you requested, you promised not to charge me any more. you must be really vindictive, because i was naive enough to believe you and then i see you charged me anyway. this is SO not cool.

so, in the words of ben folds, “give me my money back, you bitch.”

that is all. i hope you have a nice life in your new location, but i’ve found another slightly run down and grubby fitness center to patronize.

love, amanda

*image via

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