seattle in a snowstorm: a survival guide

to do several days before impending doom:

1) watch numerous episodes of man vs. wild.  concentrate on the episodes where bear has to survive in snowy conditions (like the siberia episode)

2) find all of your winter gear.  pile it in a corner by your front door.

3) buy chains for your car.  discover the chains don’t actually fit your tires and return the chains.

4) buy bread and milk.  LOTS of bread and milk.

to do the day of doom:

1) hide your car keys.  do not even go within 30 feet of your car.  laugh smugly at all the morons who tried to drive.

2) stay home.  drink copious amounts of hot chocolate and tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches.

3) watch your neighbor’s kids pelt each other with ice balls.

4) call your boss and tell him or her you won’t be in the office today, even as you watch a metro bus go sliding past your house.

if you absolutely, positively, need to go in to work (or you’re already there):

the commute in-

1) catch any bus going in the same general direction you are heading.  DO NOT stand on the side of the road hoping your usual bus will come along to save you from the foreign bus route and scary people you don’t know.

2) make sure your mp3 player is fully charged.  be prepared for the commute to take longer than normal.  communal sing-a-longs are still frowned upon on the bus, so don’t break out the “kumbaya”.

3) keep an eye out for deer, chickens, or other furry woodland creatures.  set traps or find a large stick.  kill, skin, and consume.  you never know when you’ll get to eat again.  or just pack extra snacks.

the commute home –

1) stop consuming anything, food or beverage, two hours before you intend to leave.  better yet, three hours.  remember, there are no bathrooms on metro buses.

2) those winter boots you bought with the cute little kitten heel?  what on EARTH were you thinking?

3) plan on leaving at least an hour before you normally would, and then leave an hour before that.

4) walking is good for you.  think of that four miles from the bridge to your house as the gym workout you missed today because of the snow.

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