i can’t believe the news today…

more to say today…about many things.  for instance, right now i’m listening to linkin park’s a thousand suns.  say what you will about linkin park and nu-metal in general (lostprophet’s newest effort, the betrayed, is also most awesome) but i’m really liking it so far.  not a lot of rapping going on…and frankly shinoda won’t be able to top hands held high.

anyway.  show don’t tell.  i managed to find the forum thread on scribophile and read through it.  and i got a better picture of what i was missing, although i’ll need to re-read what i’ve written to confirm it.  i AM doing it.  just not enough.  the latest critique frankly ripped me a new one today.  it hurt to read it, but then i reminded myself i can always say fuck it, it’s just one person’s thoughts.  yes, reading about someone building a new life from scratch might be boring, and maybe it doesn’t move the plot along, but i still can’t drop the feeling that it is somehow essential.  i’ll be no one told ellis that it wasn’t essential to the story to describe, in minute detail, patrick bates’ daily routine.  and we all know how that turned out (read american psycho if you have no idea what i’m talking about.  and shame on you!)  we’ll see once i move on to the editing stage.  i’ve also gotten multiple calls for dialog.  i’m torn over this.  i really like the idea of no dialog.  the whole blog is minus dialog.  yet almost all the critiques on vanishing have mentioned a wish for dialog.  so.  do i go all out pretentious and proceed without dialog and stop posting on scribophile?  or is it just too much for a first novel?

i’ve got dialog in my head for a new idea.  i can hear the characters speak, but the descriptions i love so much are not there.  not even close.  i’ve got the meat of the idea, and the conversations between the two characters.  but no foundation as of yet.  still, i’ve had to start writing down those conversations, because otherwise i’ll lose them.  i just need a good title.  i feel like i can’t write without the title.  i sometimes wonder if the reason vanishing has moved along like it has is because i thought of a kickass title (and don’t tell me it’s not a kickass title.)

last, the suicide.  it’s stories like that that remind me what i studied for.  it makes me question why i’m wasting my time on writing, on studying for CEBS, on benefits.  i have to remind myself that i’d be a terrible counselor.  i know this.  i can’t empathize any more, i’ve spent too much time listening to people whine.  but i want to make an impact.  i want something i do to mean something, and not just to win some stupid prize.  i want people to see it and say look.  learn from that.  FOLLOW THAT.  that is something bigger than yourself.  always running is like that.  by taking his own story, luis rodriguez has a brilliant teaching tool, something that will be around long after he’s gone.  it’s a legacy.  what will my legacy be?

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